It’s a Stretch: Making New Friends on the Road
Last Sunday, I sat perched on rocks, the cool surface chilling my back as the sun began to set behind the mountains, giving everything a soft orange glow. To my right, the guys I had traveled up there with were working on a boulder problem, helping each other out and encouraging each other to work hard. My shyness overwhelmed me that day, and I didn’t climb on the boulders or really say much at all. I doubted myself and didn’t know how to engage in conversation about this sport that was still so new to me. I remember being caught in one of those moments of “how did I get here?” Out here, in the desert, in a different state, by myself, with people I had just met.
When I was a kid, I was so shy that I literally hid behind my mother’s legs when a stranger wanted to say hi; I nodded while talking on the phone instead of saying “yes” aloud; I hid in my bedroom and played by myself each time we’d get a new babysitter. When we moved to a new city at the start of fifth grade—away from the friends I had made—I had a rough transition. Instead of making new friends, I stood outside the classroom door at recess and cried. I was so terrified of rejection that as a way to protect myself, I didn’t even try.
It’s always been mind boggling to me how effortless it is for one person to walk up to strangers and start a conversation and how difficult it can be for someone like me to even brave walking into the room. Sometimes people don’t believe me when I say that I’m an extreme introvert, but it’s true. I’ve worked on trying to be brave for many, many years and put myself out there more.
Yet, the other day after we packed up all the crash pads and walked out of the boulder field, I started to feel a little down on myself for not participating more. For letting the fear of what others might think overtake me. But then I remembered that the reason I got caught up in that “how did I get here” moment in the first place is because even five years ago, I don’t think I’d see myself capable of traveling by myself and trying to make new, temporary friends along the way. I surprised myself by being there at all.
I think you’re all familiar with how strange and how hard it can be to make friends as an adult? Well the thing about travel is, this is ten times harder. Not only do you have to make friends fast, but you have to find people that are willing to hang out with someone who won’t be around for long.
As I’ve chosen to engage in new sports like rock climbing and canyoneering, I have to force myself way out of my comfort zone because these aren’t sports you can do alone. Using Facebook groups, adventure apps, and even dating apps, I’ve been able to connect with some really cool people! Each time, it’s a stretch for me, and about 90% of the time, people don’t follow through to meet up. But I’m so grateful for those that do.
As a result, I’ve been able to go canyoneering for the first time, climb outdoors in a new place, and quickly progress at the climbing gym with others to encourage me.
The five-years-ago version of myself wouldn’t have believed I could be here doing this on my own. And even though I’m not yet that outgoing person that walks right up and makes friends (and may never be), I am learning to navigate my own way through it, reminding myself that “comparison is the thief of joy.” And next time, I’m getting on that boulder.
